My Body is Stupid

So I've been in England for almost two weeks and my body has not adjusted to the time difference. Yes kids, my circadian rhythms are out of whack. I think the best evidence is that I can't fall asleep until about 4am here and waking up any time before noon here makes me groggy and cranky (there is a five hour difference, so for those keeping track at home and without an abacus: 4am England = 11pm New Jersey and noon England = 7am New Jersey).

If anything positive can be said about my out-of-whack body it's that I finally managed to get myself to wake up early and get to bed before midnight (sorta).

Thankfully all of my classes are in the afternoon and the library is open until 10pm (which I must say is a bit aggravating-- at Maryland they were open 'til 11pm), so my two main stops outside of the local Somerfield's and any of the countless bars/pubs I frequent aren't directly affected.

For now I must go spend the rest of the day in the library. Apparently there is a lot of reading to do in graduate school.

The (Kinda) Short Version

As I sit here with my breakfast (lunch) of tea and crumpets, yes, tea and crumpets, I've decided to provide a quick update of my goings-on over the last week by sharing a few conclusions I've come to accept.

Conclusion #1: People here smoke.
A lot. A LOT. A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. I have decided that my being here for a year will shorten my life by at least five years. I can't decide if my (now) perpetual cough is a result of the weather or my second-hand smoking a pack a day.

Conclusion #2: British food sucks.
People always talk about how Americans are fat, obese, gargantuan, fast-food eating bastards but everything here is fried! The only food that is remotely healthy is the foreign food. The only meals I've had that were anything resembling healthy were at Chinese restaurants. Unfortunately, the good stuff like a traditional English breakfast (REAL bacon, eggs, to-MAH-toes, mushrooms, beans, toast, sausage and occasionally black pudding) gets lumped in with the fish and chips (while fish and chips is good, it's just not healthy, kids!). Of course, English breakfast isn't particularly healthy either, but it's just soooo dammmnnn gooooddd.


Conclusion #3: People here are alcoholics. Or maybe I'm a wet blanket.
Walking the streets of Beeston at 11am on a Tuesday you can see people in the pubs drinking. I saw a man down three pints during lunch the other day. Every residence hall on campus has it's own bar. They sell alcohol at the university shop. I attended a meet-and-greet with my professors, co-grad students and the head of the history department-- at a bar, with an open tab. Do I need to continue, or is that enough? Sure, there are probably decent explanations for all of these. Maybe the fella drinking at the pub mid-day in the middle of the week got fired, divorced, had his house repossessed, his cat squished by a lorrey and Notts Forest lost AGAIN, so drinking was the only option. Maybe not. Maybe capitalism is to blame for a uni shop peddling booze, as the drinking age here is 18, and pretty much all uni students are 18. But does that make it right? Who cares? All I know is that people here can down their pints (and their bottles of wine, via the ever-effective wine chug) like nobody's business. Cheers, mate!


Conclusion #4: There are two people in England-- nice people and assholes.
Any time you walk up to a person on the street and ask for directions, perhaps where the local alehouse or market is, you are faced with a 50/50 chance of either a pleasant encounter or nearly getting you head chomped off (by their notoriously well-manicured teeth). If I'm honest, this number is more like 60/40 or 70/30 with the cheery old Brits taking the heavier side, but those occasions where the a-holes show up make it seem that much greater. I believe part of the reason for this condition is that the weather is kind of depressing here, and only certain people can handle being around blah weather all the time-- regardless of whether or not you were born here. So basically, half (or 40 or 30%) of the British population, according to my data, cannot stand blah weather, while the other half (or 60 or 70%) can. It's science!


Conclusion #5: Most people here hate Americans-- but they also hate anyone who doesn't like England.
Since my arrival I have been a punching bag for all things American. The Iraq War? Didn't you hear, it was my fault, AND I authorized every single troop surge. George Bush getting 'elected' twice? Pshh I voted 4,000 times. The Revolutionary War? I raised the taxes AND convinced George Washington to go kick some ass (played both sides for chumps). Well, to be fair no one cares about the Revolutionary War anymore-- they really just give me crap for anything and everything about George Bush. After about forty attempts (with the same people, mind you) to explain that I did not vote for him and do not agree with the conservative party line over the past eight years, I've just about given up hope. Thankfully, a friend of mine from Canada (whose dislike of things American wanes in and out depending on company) makes it all better by being brash and outspoken about how much better Canada is than the rest of the world. There I am at a table of five guys-- three Brits, one Canuck and an American, and my friend from the untamed north manages to embody a few of the common stereotypes of Americans while I sit back and enjoy the show. Mocking the Queen and the royal family, making fun of accents (while saying aboot and 'hey buddy' a lot) and generally just offending most (not all) things British. Naturally, the Brits didn't take a liking to this and made it known. I did my best to avoid entering the battleground for fear of yet another colonial war.

PS- Did you guys watch the debate last night? Wooo boy. You all should be impressed that I was up til 4am to catch the whole thing.

England: Now With Less Internet

I suppose the title is misleading. It's not England that is lacking in the internetorial department, rather it is the area they've placed us that isn't particularly hospitable for those of us who depend so (too) much on the internet. As I can only briefly post for now, I'll keep it short. The weather is surprisingly pleasant, with very little rain so far and temperatures nice enough to allow me to wear shorts and a tshirt and be comfortable. The food is blech at best-- but all of my meals have been from on-campus eaterys and the like so I wasn't reall expecting much from them anyway. We'll see how dinner in city centre goes later. People have been interesting. Right now I'm in the middle on international students welcome week, so there are people from all over the world. As odd as it is to think so, I am an international student. Anyway, I've been meeting people from all over-- Australia, Sri Lanka, Algeria, even the exotic land of Canada. Everyone is pretty amenable and pleasant to talk to, especially because most are in university for the first time or at least are in the UK for the first time so they're dead-set on making new friends.

That's the appended version of the story so far. When I have more regular and dependable access to the internet I'll anecdote all over this blog.

Visa: Quite Here. Indeed.

My visa was finally approved today! Now that the issue is resolved, I would like to point out that I use the word 'finally' liberally in this situation, and have been doing so since I initially applied. Finally suggests that I've had to wait a long time. While it has felt like an eternity, I must admit that the British Consulate in New York only received my application materials last Wednesday (Sept. 3rd).

Now this is only partially a result of my ineptitude. I've had all the materials required for my application since the beginning of August-- all except my unconditional offer letter. As my initial offer was conditional, I received that letter first. But after some bribes, accessing off-shore accounts in the Cayman Islands and doing some things I'd never like to do again, my offer was made unconditional. Unfortunately, Notts never sent my letter. After countless phone calls to an innumerable amount of faceless Brits who said 'brilliant' a lot (very hot), I got someone to send it to me. One week passed. Then another. Yeah. Eventually, I hit a breaking point and contacted admissions again and requested that they simply send it to me as a PDF. Wow. That took all of twenty minutes. Lucky for me I received the email after the post office closed on the Friday before Labor Day! FUN! Needless to say it didn't get out until the Tuesday after Labor Day, and I proceeded to lose all the gray hairs I acquired over the course of the previous weeks.

Now I can breathe a sigh of relief, however brief, as one task is replaced by another. The next task? Going to school for an entire year away from family, friends and familiarities. This is what I wanted, though. A challenge-- an opportunity to get my ass kicked by school and life for a while.

There's going to be a lot to miss here in the States. People, places, food and my bed, most importantly. But I'll save the whole list for later.

In closing, HOORAY FOR ME!

PS- My flight is booked and ready to go-- I leave Philly Monday night and arrive at Heathrow early Tuesday morning.

Visa: It's Not Here Yet

It's Everywhere You Want to Be ®

Still no sign of my visa. This week has been quite taxing, as I've been on the phone with a number of places trying to get people to grease the wheels on my visa.

First, at the recommendation of a friend who works for Rep. Mike Ferguson suggested I contact Rush Holt, a Congressmen who has an office close to where I live. Apparently contacting consulates on behalf of applicants is a common task for congressional offices. Also apparent is that they really can't help much. About ten phone calls and six emails later, all that resulted was a letter sent to the British Consulate in New York. Wow. Your Congressman at work for you! Please... To be fair the consulate has no obligation to listen to anything any office from any country other than their own has to say.

Second, the most logical place to put my chips is with my school. I have a wonderful contact in the International Office who has been helping me through ever issue I've encountered throughout the summer. Unfortunately, she wasn't very confident that she or her associate at the consulate could really help move things along any faster.

Finally, and most dead-endly, direct contact to the British Consulate in New York City was completely and wholly fruitless. I didn't even get past the automated message. Blech.

So here's where I stand: I have no plane ticket, no visa, no passport (because my passport was part of the visa application, so they still have it), and it's looking like I'm going to miss most if not all of orientation. Normally I wouldn't be that concerned about missing orientation but I've had all summer to sit and GUESS what school is going to be like, so any opportunity to gain a stronger familiarity with my surroundings is invaluable.

I reeeeeeeallly hope I can get out of here soon. I can feel my brain starting to turn to mush and I need to start doing something remotely intelligent with myself before I lose what little ability I have.