I'm Still an Idiot

OK so I'll be honest-- I am known for being somewhat of an idiot. Not in the 'I brush my teeth with dish soap' kind of way, just that at times I appear less intelligent because of my inability to properly articulate what I'm thinking. This includes (but is not limited to) stuttering, stumbling, awkward pauses in the middle of a thought, etc. etc. etc...

Part of me thought that that aspect of my intellectual awkwardness would ease it's way out of my repertoire once I arrived at graduate school. Haha not really...

Here's the set-up: I was in my seminar class (Studies in Environmental History), along with my prof. and the ONE other student (who, while clearly intelligent has difficulty articulating because English is not her first language) in the class (really, using the word 'class' is a stretch, as there are three people in the room-- which, might I add, is my professor's office). So the two-hour long discussion going poorly because Ayuka and I both disliked and failed to completely grasp the readings for this week, and I was trying to inject something into the dialogue in order to keep it going. Now bear with me, this isn't huge, but for someone who is graduate history student it is pretty sad to mix these up, especially in this setting. Anyway-- I went on this three-minute long comment about the history of environment and the viability of writing historically about sound and smell with respect to the environment, and mixed up 'subjective' and 'objective.' Probably would've been better if Prof. Endfield didn't crack a smile and correct me. Ouch. Couple this with me incorrectly counting how many people were in the room last week and I kind of look like an idiot.

At least England isn't changing me for the worse, as I'm already kind of a doofus.